1. The quality of having no useful result; uselessness.
2. Lack of importance or purpose; frivolousness.
3. A futile act.
All applicable...
It's 7:14 PM. I'm sitting in my room eating chocolate covered raisins and listening to Margot and the Nuclear So-and-Sos.
End of first song. 7:15 PM.
There's not much that's more infuriating than feeling useless. It doesn't make me sad; it just makes me angry. I'm in a position where I am of no use to anybody around me.
I try. I try so fucking hard.
7:20 PM.
I try to make my friends see just how special and important they are, but everything I end up saying turns out to be meaningless or insulting. I try to let my parents know how much I want them to care about me and respect me...I just get more threats of institutionalization because I'm going insane. I try to keep my grades at a respectable level, but they just slip through my fingers like grains of sand, no matter how hard I push myself.
7:23 PM.
It hurts to watch everything I care about waste away. It hurts to watch the people I love suffer. But I could tolerate it if I felt like I could do anything to ease the pain.
Because I feel like the only thing that's within my power is to just stand by the side and pray that things don't get worse.
7:25 PM.
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