I've been the victim of a selfish kind of love

These two entries were both written whilst sitting in the CMC quad.

1. I'm starting with the man in the mirror.

And no message could have been any clearer.

I can't wait until college. I don't even worry about where I'll end up anymore. I know I'll be somewhere good. I'll be happy.

I just don't want to be here anymore.

I don't think I can start with a clean slate until I physically leave my old slate behind. It doesn't matter what you do or what you say. It can't erase what already happened. You just carve new letters and shapes into an already chiseled stone until you can't tell what's past or present. It's all one convoluted mess of then and now. Sure, things blur together. They become harder and harder to read underneath all of the new inscriptions. But they never disappear. People who were there to watch you first write them will still be able to read what was said years or weeks or minutes ago. And in many ways, that sucks.

It's time we all got away from each other. Start writing on a new slate, with people who don't even know that the old slate exists. Get another chance, experience that great minute during which nobody knows anything about who or what you are.

Anonymity is the greatest freedom.

2. Stand and face the hounds of hell.

People walking by me on the CMC campus probably think I'm taking important notes.

Ha.

I've parked myself on a bench in front of the [Jack] Bauer Center. My id is telling me to wade through the fountain. My better consciousness is prohibiting such horseplay. All for the best, I imagine.

I should carry one of these yellow notepads around with me more often. I could be a rather prolific journalist. I think I'm more productive with just pen and paper. There's something very satisfying about filling a page with ink...it doesn't really translate to a digital word processor. There's a lack of tactility, that grip you have on a pen or the way a paper pad holds firm against the pressure of a ballpoint.

I've even finalized my list of schools. Jesus, where is this productivity coming from?

And now, my thoughts turn to PC. Fantastic.

I'll exercise some restraint when committing my thoughts to written word; this is hardly a public forum to display girlish whims and fantasies. Each girlish whim and fantasy shall here be represented by a single asterisk.

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WHEW. I need a cigarette.

EDIT: Yes...each one of those asterisks represents an individual thought or whim. Me needs a hobby.....