Mangled and Torqued Rag Doll

Sobbing and coughing up stomach bile until your entire respiratory system aches can do wonders for the soul.  Being curled up on the bathroom floor clutching the shower curtain as tears blackened with old mascara run down your nose isn't the most attractive state of being, but god DAMN do I feel better now.

Not.  I just feel less volatile.  Less pressurized.  Yet still the same mangled and torqued rag doll as before.

I've decided that nobody or nothing is ever "good enough."  We always have to keep proving ourselves-proving that we're good, law abiding citizens, proving that we love a friend more than words in any language can possibly express, proving that we're not going to abandon the people that we love.  Proving that we really are getting shit right.

But what do you do if you've already said and done everything you possibly can?

I'll tell you what you do.  You make your last, final stand and then you just give the fuck up.  You collapse onto the bathroom floor, phone and empty prescription bottle still in your hand, and you just GIVE UP.

There's no hope when your best effort still isn't good enough.  You can only say "I love you" so many times to unbelieving ears before it just gets to be wasted breath.  

But here it is one more time.  Just for good measure.

I LOVE YOU, and the only reason I'm not giving up for good is because I made a promise that I would never leave, even though sometimes I'm positive you'd be better off without me.

So I'm here to stay.